Meeting my birth mother for the first time
It can be hard to explain to someone who has grown up in a family that looks like them, what it really is like to grow up not looking like anyone. It’s probably quiet insignificant to most and not something you normally think about, but it’s probably the one thing that affected me the most. Not while I was growing up, it affected me when I met someone I looked like.
Read More10 Things I have learnt being a Single Mum
With being a single parent for the last ten years I have learnt a few things I might never have learnt if I was still married.
1 – I learnt that even though life has moved on from the Victorian era, some people’s views haven’t moved with it. Negatively and prejudices against single mums is still out there.
2 – I learnt that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.
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Dear Teenagers…
Dear Teenagers….
..I know all us parents look old and wrinkly to you and we might not be as young as you would like but it may surprise you that we weren’t actually born this age. All parents were young once. It may be hard to believe when we struggle with what day of the week it is and sometimes even your names escape us, but it is true we have been there, we were kids once too and we know all the tricks. You probably think you invented the clever trick of just wetting the toothbrush, alas you didn’t. You may think your being super smart by just putting your feet in the shower; again alas we’ve done it too. Whatever trick or clever idea you think you thought up we have already beaten you to it. We have already thought it, done it and owned the t-shirt. Though the fashion of wearing your jeans halfway down your bum look is all yours, we aren’t taking ownership of that one.
Hint – were not as daft as you think we are. Trying to outsmart us will only result in you losing the battle. Save your energy.
When we were young there was no such thing as a dishwasher. Shocking I know but it’s the truth. When we were made to do the dishes, which actually happened every day, we had to wash each item by hand, then dry and put it all away. It wasn’t considered cruelty towards children either, we knew it had to be done and got on with it. So next time you feel it’s justified to throw a strop because you have to empty the dishwasher; be thankful us parents like dishwashers and that dishwashers caught on. It could be a whole lot worse.
Hint – if you would prefer we sell the dishwasher and you’re itching to do the washing up by hand, just say. It all could be a lot worse.
There seems to be a general consideration that we parents are just out to ruin children’s fun, sadistic and just basically have no idea. We seem to nag all the time and forever on your backs. Trust me when I say if we were out to ruin your fun or had sadistic tendencies we would pick something a lot worse than chores. The thing is that in a household there are several people. This means there are several people to cook for, to wash clothes for and tidy up after. Is it really fair that just one person does all this? When it’s left to one person it does make that one person rather pissed off. That pissed off person does have a life too (yes I know it’s shocking to hear parents have lives too) so to have a happy household it is fairer to all help with the chores. That way everything gets done and everyone gets the chance to have a life.
Hint – the word parent doesn’t mean slave, honestly, if you still doubt us check the dictionary. Try using a bit of consideration for others; you will be amazed with the results. Us parents go all smiley and tend to stop nagging.
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Parenting Tips for Single Mums
When there is only one parent to do everything, every bit of help is appreciated. Now I’m not suggesting you have to hire a cook, cleaner and gardener, though very tempting, as that isn’t financially viable. But there are a few things that I am tackling in my children. Not because I am a power hungry, neat freak over bearing mother, but because it will ultimately help me. Bear in mind though that every child, parent and situation is unique so these are just ideas that I have found to work or are working. Be realistic in what you want to achieve and remember you can’t expect any child to be neater, tidier or more organised if you aren’t. They learn from you.
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Dating online myths
Men are only after one thing – Well there are millions of men profiles out there so it stands to reason that some will be only looking for one thing. But there are women too in the same boat (hopefully they find each other) There are sites that actually only gear towards the no strings variety. So too there are sites that is clearly dedicated to dating and relationships. Dating sites Match.com and Match Affinity boast that 75% of their subscribers are looking for a serious relationship. E Harmony has a higher number of serious lookers at 85%.  So if you were on the no strings look out would you wade through the relationship sites hoping to find what you want or would you just head for the right section?
Going on a dating site looks like you’re desperate. – If that’s the case then there are millions of desperates out there. In today’s society were people are busy for normal social lives, dating sites are becoming the norm. You’re not the first and you defiantly won’t be the last to try a dating site. Brace modern technology and be thankful of having more ways to find an ideal partner.
My mum might see my profile – well if your mum see’s your profile, there are two answers to this. Hopefully you’re sitting down so it’s not a shock. Your mum is either genuinely out there dating, now if you thought she was happily married to your father then this might raise issues if you mention it. Secondly – she is gay. Think about it.
Serious relationships don’t happen online – hah I have proof otherwise on this one. I have had serious relationships that started online and a friend is still living with her online date. So it does happen.
It’s not safe – It’s as safe as you make it. If you decide to set your self up with 7 dates a week and not tell anyone then you are being more of a risk taker. Dating sites are fully aware that safety can be viewed as an issue so they offer anonymity whilst you’re on the site. From the hidden safety of your home you can pick and choose who you want to converse with. If you don’t want to talk them then you don’t have to. If you hit it off and decide to meet up then please do follow common sense safety and make sure someone knows where you are and with who .
| Liking… | Freebies | ||||
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| E Harmony |
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Dating Online
In the good old days, the man would write his sweetheart a perfume scented letter. Then call for afternoon tea. There would be some eye lash fluttering, a bit of blushing then they were married. Now you can text or email a complete stranger and ask if they are up for a shag. Times may have changed but what scares me is what will the future bring? Divorce before marriage? Dating online is just an advancement to match our new techy lifestyles.
Online dating has been around a few years. I have been there, done it and got the funny stories. At the time that I was active on the online dating scene, there were 2 friends of mine doing the same. We were once described as 3 witches cackling around a cauldron. For the record one friend met the love of her life through it and still, many years later, blissfully together and happy. The other friend met a few and moved on to meet her true love the old fashioned way. At the pub. Me? Well I met a few who became good friends and whom I am still in contact with today but as you notice I write on a singles mum website, you might have guessed my not so happy ending. I won’t be trying it again but that said I would recommended trying it even if it’s to strike it off your list of things to try.
I would though warn you and advise you from my experiences.
Keep your wits about you. Take off any rose tinted specs and keep your self grounded. There are many dating sites around. The free, the cheap and the expensive. But all will have a colourful array of the following.
The Desperates. Either not dated for many decades and there will be many reasons why they are single. Or they just been dumped and need a replacement fast. Way too much baggage to blow up and wont be a pretty site. Steer clear.
The Players . This consist of the marrieds, partners doesn’t understand them and the professional daters. Complete with enough slick and smooth talk to melt you then dump you. Steer clear.
The Weirdo’s. Shouldn’t have to explain this one but men pretending to be women , vice versa and lots of other weird things I would rather not dwell on. Steer clear.
The Little honest Gem . As about as rare as hens teeth but they do exist unless there was actually only one and my friend has beaten you to it. Keep hold off with both hands.
As you launch yourself into the world of online dating, it’s good to remember that as you might have shaved the odd pound off your weight in your profile, others shave several dress sizes. Pictures can be altered or complete fake ones used. Ages become just a number. Just like you, others will log on in their pj’s munching late night cereal and washing it down with 6 glasses of wine (moi? As if! ) People will tell you what ever you want to hear and not every one is honest. You get my drift.
There are two ways to go about the dating bit. Talk talk talk or date date date. TTT you will find one that stands out from the rest and find yourself emailing back and forth, on msn for a lifetime. You can get to know them inside out before you decide to meet. You might though be disappointed when you do meet as the big relationship you have formed in you head could be very different when they are standing in front of you. DDD is where you go through them like you were a Judge live on X Factor shouting next when you’re ready to meet the next one.
Which ever method you use, when you do actually meet them make sure someone knows where you are on the first couple of dates. ( axe murderers don’t always strike on a first date) Make sure you are somewhere which has mobile signal to avoid SAS entrances from friends when you don’t reply. Keep to busy places. In the daylight if possible. Have plausible get out lines. My cat has been ‘ rushed to the vets’ several times to get me out of yuk situations.
Don’t give out personal info. I never gave out my address or even the make of my car. Go with gut feeling and if your unsure don’t go. Or at the very least research. Friends Reunited, Face Book and even Google . As cold as it sounds your meeting a stranger.
I don’t want to make it out to be all gloom and doom. Just keep your wits about you, don’t be gulable and have a damn good laugh.
Finally, some one asked me why I stopped and why I wouldn’t do it again. Well I was in the local supermarket one day minding my own business and a sales assistant stacking the shelves called me by my online nickname. Luckily I didn’t have the kids with me, but if I had I wouldn’t have been able to run out the shop as quick but how would I have explained why a complete stranger called me blueeyedminx?
“Mummy, why did that shop assistant call you that ?”
“mm I don’t know darling , must know me from when I shopped online”
“What were you shopping for mummy ?”
“Men”
Want to try Dating Online ? Here are the Top 3 Dating Sites
| Liking… | Freebies | ||||
| Match.com |
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| E Harmony |
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| Match Affinity |
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Visit | ||
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If you try dating online , please make sure you stay safe. Always let someone know where you are.
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