With a long night ahead of me watching over a sick child, I’ve settled myself close by him with pen and paper. Caring for a sick child can really bring it home to you that you are a single parent. There is no one there to bounce your worries and fears on. But it does mean I have to trust my gut instincts more.
A doctor once told me that when he has a sick child in his surgery, he could normally truly gage how poorly the child actually was by his mothers face. Being a mum brings with it that truly amazing mothers instinct. I cannot tell you where it comes from though. Maybe the midwives sneak it in seconds after you have given birth when you are not looking and so whacked out you unaware of what is happening or maybe new mums in hospitals are served special food laced with it. But its there.
For me it did take a bit of time to show through and a few dodgy mishaps along the way. I do not think I truly found mine or learned actually to feel it and trust it till I became single. Not having someone around to doubt you or question your thinking does make you figure out the situation yourself quicker. Plus being busy, as we all know we are your adrenalin makes you decide and prioritise quicker. You simply do not have enough time to sit and consider what disease the symptoms might indicate. Besides that sort of thing always pops back into your head when you are trying to get to sleep. Instead you access, treat and get onto the next thing.
So here I am sat quietly listening to his breathing, well that should actually be snoring. He is all tucked up, perfectly fine, and blissfully unaware that while he is snoring for England, I am sat on his bedroom floor worrying about him while writing about trusting gut instinct and mothers intuition. I think its time I went off to bed to sleep ad believed in myself again.