Your family is changing, and so must your outlook. Making the transition from being a nuclear family to a single mum can be an emotionally and financially rocky road. The best thing you could do is seek advice from your family solicitors on the legal aspect of this change. Here are five tips to help you thrive in every other area of single parenthood. 1. Be affectionate. Studies show that ... VIEW POST
My views on what it’s like being a single mum …
Single mum ~ well that’s the obvious bit. Be it by choice, divorce or bereavement.
Hard work ~ No kidding there. You seem to run around the whole time sorting everything out before moving on to the next thing to sort out.
Non-Rewarding~ Yes they say thank you for the free taxi service but then they know they are in risk of walking next time. It’s the everyday things that go un-rewarded. You don’t get thanked for worrying over them, teaching them the day to day things.
Funny ~ You don’t normally find things funny at the time. It’s more when you look back at something you can see how funny it was. Like when my daughter shaved her younger brothers hair with my lady shave.
Social Outcast ~ Single doesn’t quite fit into coupled gatherings. They don’t know if to invite you and you be the only uncoupled person or not invite you and risk upsetting you. Other couples eye you with suspicion. In some eyes I must be sex starved (yeah ok, hands up to that one) and so lonely that I will be after all males regardless if they are coupled up or not.
Just for the record, I would like to put this one right. We may be single, sex-starved and has the odd lonely moment but we do have morals, ethics and scruples. We are single, not stupid.
Tiring ~ By the time you have done a full days work, picked the children up, had tea, helped with homework, attended to any housework you can’t get away with anymore and finally sit down is normally time to go to bed to get some sleep before starting all over again the next day.
Lonely Non-Existing Social Life ~ Babysitters are two expensive or non-existent, helpful volunteering friends will always have something else on the one day of the year you finally do get asked out somewhere. You face the dilemma of socialising with couples which takes you to the social outcast bit again or socialising with your other single friends. It wasn’t until I was single that I realised all my friends are coupled up. Note to self – find some single friends.
Determination ~ you simply can’t give up. It’s not like you can send the children back (ouch). You do it to prove to all those who say how difficult it is, that it can be done. You do it because you know it will get better. You do it because others have done it; you’re by no means the first person in this situation.
Exhausting ~ The next level up from tiring but with addedÂ sick children all night, work deadlines and minor disasters at home like washing machine failure. Has been known that all these things go wrong at once.
Exhilarating ~ that moment when someone comments on how well behaved your children are. When someone says they admire you for what you’re doing. Those warm fuzzy moments when your child does something brilliant – you helped that child reach that point.
Confidence Building ~ shopping in the local supermarket with just children can induce every lonely granny in the area to stop and talk to you, you even grow to like talking to strangers. It is a case of you simply have to just get on do whatever a partner would do so your confidence builds without you knowing.
Empowering ~ my children has a walk to school week every year. Being a WSM (working single mum) it is impossible to do this. I am not an athlete to walk the 2 miles to school, then 2 miles back to get the car, to then get to work. Nor do I have a time machine to do all that and get to work on time. I compromised and parked further away as having an ‘I walked to school’ sticker was of high importance to my two. Being brought up, to be honest, it was not my kid’s fault to answer ‘no only up the hill’ when the teacher holding the prized stickers asked if we had walked. I suddenly had a moment of stance. I found myself defending my WSM label with honour. The children had their sticker and we were never questioned in following years.
With being a single parent for the last ten years I have learnt a few things I might never have learnt if I was still married. 1 - I learnt that even though life has moved on from the Victorian era, some people's views haven't moved with it. Negatively and prejudices against single mums is still out there. 2 - I learnt that I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was. 3 - I learnt ... VIEW POST
When I was young I was brought up fairly strictly. There wasn't any room for manoeuvre. My parents spoke, I listened. They asked me to do something, I did it instantly. If on the rare occasions I didn't, there was punishment. There wasn't though any of the 'sending to my room stuff'. At the time I didn't notice, it was only when my children came along and started testing my patience that I had to ... VIEW POST
I am sure I am not the only one who gets asked how to cope with being a single mum, so here are my top tips on how I cope with being a single mum. They helped as much today as they did nearly 10 years ago when I first became a single parent. Accept there will be good days and bad - it's not just you who will have good and bad days, your children will too. Be as supportive as you can on ... VIEW POST
I am often asked what the hardest part of parenting is. For me it's not the lack of hours in the day as whatever I don't get done today will be still sitting there tomorrow. Nor is it the forever tiredness as I know at the end of the day they will go to sleep and I can too. It's not any of those things for me. For me it's the letting my children learn by doing. I don't mean give them a box of ... VIEW POST
For me the dawning of being a Real Parent was no eureka moment, no life changing experience complete with fireworks like they have in the films. It was a slow realisation that the so called perfect mum never actually existed. I had read every anti-natal book available, waded through all the baby books and yet once I was left alone with my first baby to change its first nappy I was a blubbering ... VIEW POST
Being a parent can be difficult at the best of times. You want to do the best for your toddler, but unfortunately your best efforts wont always please everybody, especially your toddler. Being a parent doesn't come with a job description and a mentor to guide you through the tough times, which is why I have dedicated this article to giving you parents a handful of simple but effective tips to ... VIEW POST
The sun has decided to show itself again after 6 weeks of hiding. Ahh it must be time for the children to go back to school. 6 weeks of rain, not quiet rain and not raining now but will be in a minute, have moved aside for the sunshine. It happens every year so I am no longer surprised by the suns timing. One of the biggest problems I find is what to supply the kids with on their way to school. ... VIEW POST
When there is only one parent to do everything, every bit of help is appreciated. Now I'm not suggesting you have to hire a cook, cleaner and gardener, though very tempting, as that isn't financially viable. But there are a few things that I am tackling in my children. Not because I am a power hungry, neat freak overbearing mother, but because it will ultimately help me. Bear in mind though that ... VIEW POST