Choosing a Dating Site

There are many dating sites to choose from. There are the major sites, smaller sites, free sites, niche sites that cover every imaginable niche and probably a few more I have missed.

Don’t just jump on the first dating site you come across or is recommended to you. When you have narrowed down your choices, have a look at each dating site from several angles. You can have a look around most dating sites with out having to sign up meaning your remain completely anonymous. You get a bit of taster of what sort of people already subscribed.

Then sign up to a few. This is still free and will mean you have to pick a username, password and give email details. All of which they keep hidden from everyone else. You will then have to write a profile about yourself. Depending on how brave you are you will have the option to upload a picture. Don’t put any personal information in your profile like address or telephone numbers. Apart from being appealing to other members, your profile is there to keep you safe. This step still shouldn’t cost anything and will mean you can have a better look round. Use this as an opportunity to test out several sites. To see if you like the layout, to see if the search facility is as precise as you want it to be and how they present the results.

Lastly when you have found a site you are happy with and feel ready to contact a few members, you can take the final step of subscribing. This will generally allow you to contact other members and sometimes extra search facilities. It is usually done in monthly blocks and is bought in blocks of 3 or 6 months will turn out cheaper.

Remember to keep yourself safe.

A note on Bad Men

If you look up how to find a man on the internet, you will get a load of advice telling you to steer clear of the men who are distant, angry, have baggage, who can’t love, who use women, and the commitment phobic. They tell you that you don’t want any of those. The problem with this is that its presuming men are either good or bad. That a man can only be one or the other. But what is bad for one person might actually be good to another. Any person in a bad relationship is likely to behave badly. So I reckon it should be instead of don’t look for a good man, it should be look for a man who is good for you.

 

Now I’m not saying that men are all saints. There are still bad characters out there. The liars, cheats, criminals, sadists and thieves of the world should be steered clear of.

 

Seeking perfection is an impossible task and should only be done by those who are perfect themselves. I hate to shock you but we women are not perfect. We’ve done our share of dumping. We’ve all been accused of being cruel, bossy, cold, and bored and many more. These things happen when we pair up wrongly, with those we are not compatible with.

Baggage

Most when on their search for a new partner stipulate no baggage. Well I hate to break it to you but everyone has baggage. Be it from past problems with family, friends or ex partners. If someone claims they are unscathed then they are living in cuckoo land. The real question is not if they have baggage but how they handle their baggage.

 

If someone is burdened by their baggage then this doesn’t bode well.

If they are obsessed and all they do is talk about how cruel and evil someone once was to them, this too doesn’t bode well.

If they are obsessed about an attractive unobtainable ex partner then this too isn’t a good sign.

 

These sorts of people are not carrying their baggage, they plainly flat on their back with the baggage firmly on top of them. They are still trapped in their past.

 

Then there are those who can’t even open their baggage. They never talk about it and deny it’s even there. They are stuck in denial and probably festering sore spots, violent emotions of hurt and rage from disasters in their past.

 

At some point in your new relationship, your baggage will get talked about. How they handle your baggage is also relevant. If they listen and understand then brilliant but if they show signs of not being able to handle your baggage then you should proceed with caution.

 

Remember its not if they have baggage but how they handle their baggage.

Dating online myths

Men are only after one thing – Well there are millions of men profiles out there so it stands to reason that some will be only looking for one thing. But there are women too in the same boat (hopefully they find each other) There are sites that actually only gear towards the no strings variety. So too there are sites that is clearly dedicated to dating and relationships. Dating sites Match.com and Match Affinity boast that 75% of their subscribers are looking for a serious relationship. E Harmony has a higher number of serious lookers at 85%.  So if you were on the no strings look out would you wade through the relationship sites hoping to find what you want or would you just head for the right section?

Going on a dating site looks like you’re desperate. – If that’s the case then there are millions of desperates out there. In today’s society were people are busy for normal social lives, dating sites are becoming the norm. You’re not the first and you defiantly won’t be the last to try a dating site. Brace modern technology and be thankful of having more ways to find an ideal partner.

My mum might see my profile – well if your mum see’s your profile, there are two answers to this. Hopefully you’re sitting down so it’s not a shock. Your mum is either genuinely out there dating, now if you thought she was happily married to your father then this might raise issues if you mention it. Secondly – she is gay. Think about it.

Serious relationships don’t happen online – hah I have proof otherwise on this one. I have had serious relationships that started online and a friend is still living with her online date. So it does happen.

It’s not safe – It’s as safe as you make it. If you decide to set your self up with 7 dates a week and not tell anyone then you are being more of a risk taker. Dating sites are fully aware that safety can be viewed as an issue so they offer anonymity whilst you’re on the site. From the hidden safety of your home you can pick and choose who you want to converse with. If you don’t want to talk them then you don’t have to. If you hit it off and decide to meet up then please do follow common sense safety and make sure someone knows where you are and with who .

Wish List pitfalls

Your wish list regarding men might be the thing that’s the problem. It might be attracting all the Mr Wrongs. If I was asked what my wish list for the ideal man is then I might answer with honest, romantic and trusting. But these things describe a relationship not an individual. If I put out an advert for a man who is honest, romantic and trusting there would be hundreds of men who would say they are all those things.

 

Honest – Does anyone openly admit to being dishonest? If you were a man would say sorry I am a game player so I don’t think were compatible?

 

Trusting – Announcing you want honesty (and trust) doesn’t mean you will get it. There are two types of men, the ones who try not to be dishonest and those who get a kick from being dishonest. And by saying you are searching for these things tend to bring out of the wood work the dishonest men. How? Well they will read it as you been hurt and fooled in the past so must be easily fooled. They can tell you what you want to hear but will go on to be all the things you don’t want. The honest man will admit to his faults. So don’t rule out the men who bravely admit their faults as they are actually being honest.

 

Romantic – Men see romance differently then women. To a women romance is about how he feels about you when he isn’t with you. That he misses you and thinks of you so shows you small ways. Notes in unexpected places or flowers for no reason. Men see romance as a grand gesture when it’s expected when they are with you. They think one offs all guns blazing with a meal and flowers and candle light is romance as to them it is. So if a man says he is romantic it’s probably not the romance as we think of it.  

 

So readdress your wish list. Throw out the generic words. Get down to what would make him different to other men. What makes him Mr Right for you and not another woman?

What do men look for

If you’re on the tangible search for a man it helps to know what men look for in a woman? If you can gain a small insight to how they think (think might be a bit strong though) then you can have enormous power and your search will be more effective. We all know they are a strange breed but if you accept them as they are and forgive them for stuff they can not control and work with it then you have a better chance.

Men have their own unique way of doing things and this still implies when they look at women. They are visual creatures. They shop with their eyes. So for them to see you, you first have to be in their sight. Running around with head down, not making eye contact and merging into the background isn’t conclusive with being seen. If you’re not seen they can’t see you (bit obvious I know) and if they cant see you then nothing more will happen. I’m not saying you have to be out there in neon colours with a sign on your head. But more slowing down a bit and actually noticing things around you. I admit I am the worlds worst for not seeing things but it wasn’t till it was actually pointed out  me that I don’t notice men looking at me that I realised there is a whole world out there I was missing out on. Not anymore I might add.

 

So when the said male is out there looking what does he look for? Well no two men are the same. Not all like the stereo typed stick thin woman. They like normal shapes and all the glorious shapes our bodies come in. There are those who like blonde’s and those who only like brunettes. Leg men, boob men. What ever shape, size, hair colouring etc you are, you are gorgeous and there will be a man out there who is looking for just that. Now putting men in all these categories might seem shallow but us women are the same. We may be more forgiving in the male looks department and understand that beauty is on the inside but we too naturally like and drawn too certain types. Its just one of the ways men do things differently.

 

• So be more aware – slow down and notice more.
• Get used to the fact men are visual first. You cant change it.
• Understand that though it sounds shallow of men, us women do the same but differently.

Mr Right Theory

There is a theory that there is the perfect partner for everyone. I believe it totally and it’s not just my romantic side talking.  Well if there are over 6 billion people in the world then the odds seem pretty good. So taking this rough figure of 6 billion and assuming it’s an equal split of men and women then that leaves 3 billion men to go through. Now even I know there aren’t enough hours in the day to cover that one. So removing a billion for the ones that are two young and then another billion for the ones too old, I estimate I have a billion to work through. Now like every other woman out there I have a list of like and dislikes on my Mr. Right credentials list. Now even with my sub standard mathematician brain I can work out that even deleting all those who don’t cut it on the credentials list I am still left with a high number of potential candidates. This doesn’t though take into account that there are constant changing variables. What I thought of as Mr Right 10 and even 5 years ago is very different to what I want now. I have changed. We all do its natural. I have grown older, my body is less forgiving, and my requirements have changed. Be it from outside influences or by natural growth and change from life. Each time I have dated and its not worked out I have learnt what I do and don’t want from a relationship.

 

Now its all very well have the safe knowledge that Mr Right is out there, Mother Nature wasn’t to kind to give him a map to my door. But this is a good thing. If he landed on my door in the early years, how would I know what I actually want in a man? I wouldn’t have experienced the good and the bad times that make me what I am today. How would I be able to comfort my children as they grow and learn about broken hearts if I hadn’t had my fair share? Half the fun when you go out of an evening is the getting ready. So should half the fun be in the finding of Mr Right. And considering how long it takes me to get ready to go out, I will probably find him when I have retired and pushing a Zimmer frame. To find Mr Right I have to be findable. If I wait for him to walk past my house then I might aswell not bother. Online Dating here I come.