Jun 17, 13
You don’t need me to tell you what it’s like out there for UK singles – between putting on your dancing shoes, reading specs, and logging in online to find Mr Right, it can start to feel like you’ve tried everything. A single successful or dreary night can often lead to making generalisations that somehow stick with you, like being convinced that men from a certain country or even town would be much better for you than the local rag-tag bunch. Thinking along exactly the same lines as us, Posh Bingo has created a seriously smart infographic that
Its been around 140,000 hours or 5,840 ish days. Well I think it has if I have worked it out right, any rate 16 years have flown by. 16 years ago my daughter was a tiny little thing, now she is facing her last two exams and leaving school on Friday. As each birthday and milestone has gone by I have felt a little bit older each time. Each time my heart swells with pride and I pat myself on the back. ( I guess at this point I have to also credit some of it to her father….there small bit credited to him too) But then this weeks milestone has brought me new thoughts, new fears and new ramblings. My daughter will no longer be a school girl, she’s growing up.
Its that gangly, awkward time when they don’t go to school, haven’t started college and battling the rest of the world looking for a job. Oh the scary bit of job hunting. She will have knock backs. I don’t want her to have knock backs I want everyone to see beyond the tennagery bit and see the lovely girl I see. The girl who does like to help and has an amazing sense of humour. The girl who has more common sense than some adults I know. The girl who wants to be grown up but still pinky swears with me that she is doing good.
I don’t want the world to take advantage of her good nature. I don’t want the world to have all the good bits whilst I get the tired grumpy bits of her at the end of the day. I want her to have fun. I want her to have happy memories. I don’t want her too look back like I do and only remember working. I don’t want her to struggle with money from 16 onwards like I did. I joke that I can’t wait for her to leave home as I want her room as an office. In truth I don’t want her to ever leave, sod the office.
But the world keeps turning. Life has to keep evolving and its time for her to start her new chapter. There is so much I want for her but I don’t want her to chase her dreams; I want her to dream big, grab her dreams, run with her dreams and never let them go till her dreams are reality.
Just for a change, single parents are in the news again. This time it’s to do with men deserts. What a charming phrase. Men deserts are areas in the UK where children are growing up with no fathers or male teachers. They say that higher rates of teenage crime, pregnancy and disadvantage are believed to be linked to the increase absence in fathers.
I had a few emails from news programmes asking my view so figured I should say what my view is after reading a few articles on the subject and getting myself rather angry about it all.
First off not all single parents are single parents from choice but yet all single parents are made to feel bad. Some made the wrong choices in life and divorce happened – were not all perfect not even those pointing the fingers. Some divorces happen out of a necessity to protect the children. Some mothers have been widowed – again hardly their own fault that they are single parents. But as ever we all get lumped into the one pot. You’re a single parent everything is your fault.
They are all concerned that children are being raised without fathers or there are fewer male teachers. Is anyone addressing the missing fathers in all this or pushing a drive for recruiting more male teachers? Or are we just gasping in horror at yet again the awful single mothers. Or is it a case of we are an easy target and we do get blamed for everything else so might as well chuck that one at us too.
My children do have a father and they see him most days. Oh and they do have male teachers. If for any reason they didn’t get to see their father I would make sure they had a male influence in their lives by other means, Uncles, Grandparents and friends. I do believe that children need both males and females in their lives to not only give a balanced view but also to support and inspire. That said there are plenty of same sex and lone parent families that bring children up successfully. Just because the family unit is not everyone’s idea of the perfect set up doesn’t mean those children are destined to the scrap heap of life.
When I was married we lived next to an elderly couple who where darn spritely for their 90+ years. They had been married since their teens and apart from his time in the army, they never spent time apart. They also never had children. What they did have was routine. Monday evenings if I was pegging out the washing I would smell the fish cooking and see the neighbours cats lining up by their gate. Even the cats knew Monday night was fish treat night for them. So Monday was fish night, Tuesday was wash day Friday was shopping day and so on it went and always had been. I would marvel at their ability to stick to a routine and also silently laughed how boring their life must be to be so stuck in a routine.
So it appears that because scientists have done an experiment with mice the Daily Mail is now reporting that children brought up by two parents are more intelligent because they develop more brain cells than children brought up by one parent. Way to go Daily Mail in demoralising the children of single parent families and angering the single parents. Its thoughtless reports like this that fuel the medias sweeping interpretation that all single parents are bad and now children of single parents are bad too.
As you know I have done more than my fair share of internet dating. So much so I have a dating section on here with my online dating site recommendations and what to and not to do’s. This is all very well but you are probably wanting some proof that all this online dating stuff actually works. This week I caught up with Claire who recently got in touch to tell me about her recent online dating experience. Claire very kindly sat still long enough for me to ask her some questions.
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