Coping with Christmas on your own as a Single Mum
November 26th, 2009 | Author: Confessions
I think the hardest part of being a single mum for me is Christmas. I can cope with most things that are thrown at me throughout the year and I am getting a dab hand at DIY. But Christmas is different. When I first separated from my children’s father we decided straight away not to get into the ‘take turns’ scenario over the Christmas period. We at least agreed that the most important thing was that the children enjoyed their Christmas. Now this all sounds very good and grown up but it does mean I spend the most of Christmas on my own.
The way we do it is that we let the children decide where they want to be. Now the choices are obviously here with me or at their fathers. I not being close to my family have never spent an adult Christmas with my parents ( and nor do I want to start thank you very much), he on the other hand has brothers and sisters who all have children and they all get together ‘Walton’s’ style for a massive Christmas day. Now in a kids mind the choice between two very different Christmases is easy worked out by where you’re more likely to have fun and get more presents. Yep you guessed it, with their father. So every Christmas morning off they go to have fun, laughter and presents to return 48 hours later.
Being the good unselfish mother I am, I manage to do a good act of pretending that I love spending Christmas day on my own. We do make more of a deal out of Christmas Eve and open half our presents in the evening and then a few Christmas morning before they go. The first few years were easy as loved the novelty of easting cheese on toast in my pyjamas and watching all the Christmas films. I would have glass of champagne and a bath with as many bubbles as I could fit in. The glass of champagne would turn into a bottle and then be in bed asleep by tea time. It was easy.
But then the novelty slowly died and the champagne too when I decided to go healthy and not drink alcohol. A couple of the years have been really tough and now it gets difficult as my daughter looks at me knowing that I will be spending Christmas on my own. She is torn to go with the family or stay with me, so for her sake, the actress in me is now on Oscar level. I’m going for all out this year and have my acceptance speech for my Oscar award all planned.
In my 8 years of single mum Christmases I can recommend the following:
- Although nice to have a drink, don’t drink too much if there is any hint it will make you sad. Slurring Merry Christmas sarcastically at the TV with bottle in hand really isn’t that sophisticated.
- Instead of the traditional Christmas dinner for one (Iceland and Tesco do them if you have your heart set on it) do something different. My favourite was salmon bagels followed by strawberries and cream. You will also be amazed how many people actually envy you.
- If you are eying up the sofa and remote control for the day, treat yourself to new pj’s .
- Take yourself out for a walk. I would walk past houses and bet how many arguments I would spot. (Grass is not always greener and the picture card image of Christmas we presume everyone else is having sadly isn’t so).
- Lastly if you can manage it, buy yourself a pressie to put under the tree. I learnt this one several years in after realising I would not get a present any other way.
Sniff!
What a brave blog post.
I am not sure I could be as unselfish as you.
Mind I did love
“Although nice to have a drink, don’t drink too much if there is any hint it will make you sad. Slurring Merry Christmas sarcastically at the TV with bottle in hand really isn’t that sophisticated.”
Very funny!
At the moment (3 years into seperate lives, but 4th Christmas since the infedelity) I am still holding with the line of ‘DS and I are still where we always were. YOU are the one who has gone, so sorry but YOU are the one who misses out.’
That said I have let him have DS for 1 Christmas morning, but it wore the poor lad out so badly I said no more
Love to hear how other single mums do Christmas too
I spent my first Christmas as a single Mum at home alone. I chose to send the boy off to his Granny’s with his Daddy, he would have the Aunties, Uncles and his Daddy’s cousins to make a fuss and I would have mt first child free break. I went to the pub on Christmas Eve with a friend, spent Christmas morning painting my bedroom and cleaning the kitchen, cleaned up to join friends for a traditional lunch, then home in the evening to my clean tidy house.
This year is Daddy’s turn, but he can’t be bothered, Granny’s in a home so the usual family gathering at hers won’t be happening. Actually I find it hard to have a jovial fun Christmas with just me, the boy and the cat, seems a very small gathering. I’m sure we’ll see friends though and will make it known that we are open for callers with the champagne on ice and mulled wine at the ready.
I would love xmas on my own but you have to be able to trust your ex in order to do this. I now insist on having my kids at Xmas as 2 yrs ago my ex’s g/friend thought it hilarious to buy my son, then 11, a barbie doll!! The evil bag wrecked my sons Xmas and he is stll not over the embarassment and humiliation.
Just a thought but do your kids have to be together at Xmas? Could you not spend a lovely day with daughter, both in jimjams and have one major girly day? Bet she would love it. She could see other family on boxing day. As I said, just a thought, not trying to interfere.
Aww Wendy thats so mean! Your poor son
What a nasty piece of work- is she still about?