Confessions of a Single Mum

Is it an age thing when you start to find yourself in the gardening section of shops? I have never before had an urge to be green fingered apart from the odd pot of chives on the kitchen window cill. I even scoffed at the neighbours gardens all covered in colour and shrubs. But now I catch myself looking at seed packets and imagining where they could grow in my poor excuse of a garden. I no longer view my garden as a play area but an untamed area that needs to be brought into line and sorted out. Somewhere I could sit with a coffee and a book. I find myself wanting to be one of those women who potter in the garden tending to vegetables and herbs.

It could be a result to my children hitting the teens, growing up and having social lives that they sort themselves. I no longer have to accompany them to children parties as these have made way to sleep over’s or trips with friends to the cinema, all without me. I get time to myself – which is a strange experience and taking a lot to get use to. I get to do the supermarket shop in peace though have very worryingly come home with not one but two gardening magazines today. Trips town are a solitary experience. They will if they have to, or want money, walk into town with me but as soon as we reach people I find myself talking to myself as my children vanish. I no longer have to watch endless episodes of the latest children programmes and then hum the silly tune all day as it gets stuck in my brain.  Where I use to get excited about an evening out, I now get close to hyperventilating at the thought of using a new rotary washing line.

They talk about empty nest syndrome that women commonly feel after their children have grown up and left the home so maybe I am experiencing pre-empty nest syndrome. I have had over 13 years of children, feeding them, encouraging them and helping them grow so I could be filling my life with seeds that need looking after to grow to compensate my children growing up. Life is slowly changing again as i shift into new situations and experiences and its slightly scary.