Letter to couple in supermarket

Letter to couple in supermarket.

I won’t name names as I can’t but I don’t believe your parents actually named you smoochy and kissims, but it appears this is what you go buy. Now I know it’s all very lovely and cute to go shopping together but could please refrain from shopping on a Thursday night again please. Thursday night is my only kid free night. Instead of ‘living it up’ or lingering over some man I use this opportunity to get shopping done with out constant sweets requests. If this request is out of the question then please bear in mind the following. Trust me it will save you from fate worse then shopping trolley aisle rage.

I have no objection to you buying pizza but in future please choose your toppings pre shop. Having to endure your squeals of delight as you discover you both like the same is somewhat irritating to say the least. Cheese and tomatoes is quiet commonly liked you know.

It would also be helpful if you could have the corrective surgery to un-join you at the hips. I am confident in saying a lot of scientific research went into designing the width of the aisles and trolleys. I do believe that the aisle does fit two trolleys side by side but the space equation is hindered when two people push the same trolley together. You might also like to know that the trolleys do safely go at faster speed then dawdle.

Next time you are overcome with a moment of drooling over each other, please pick a more appropriate aisle. The pick and mix aisle does contain un-bagged sweets and children.

Lastly, I appreciate you are both very much in love and have the desire to prove this point at every aisle but there are actually people in there on a mission. To get enough food for a week, on a budget meant for one person for two days, quickly, to feed bottomless pits that never fill up and all in quick time.

Now to totally contradict myself please enjoy this stage of your relationship as it wont be like this forever.

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