Can you really have a social life when you’re a single parent or is that it till your old and wrinkly?
When your newly divorced or separated your probably in one of two camps. One camp, the ‘I’m a home bod’, will have no interest in getting out there and being social. The mere thought of it brings them out in a cold sweat and they’ve really had your fill of advice, partners and anything that involves putting outside clothes on. Or you might be the ” I need to get out NOW’ which basically describes itself. They might be a born party animals or just so fed up with Bob the Builder conversations that they are just craving adultness.
Whichever camp you’re in I feel your pain as I’ve have spent time camped out in both. And whichever camp you are in, it’s perfectly fine to be in that one.
Home bods, don’t panic I am not going to make you go outside, as I said it’s fine to be in your camp. You might be working full time and then tired to go out in the evenings. I get it. But please do make sure you are getting adult conversations and you are also having time away from the kids in some way. Maybe they go to their other parent some part of the week or you have family they stay with. It is important for your own health that you have outside interests to the children. Yes, the children are important but you need to be a rounded happy person to give them the best parenting. If your crabby because you only ever talk to small people who don’t understand why your so annoyed at No 6 for putting their rubbish bin where yours goes then you aren’t at your best.
I need to get out NOW’s, you too are perfectly fine to be out there doing your thing. But please make sure you don’t use it as an excuse to get away from parenting. Maybe your avoiding the children’s questions by being out all time or maybe your struggling to do the whole parent thing on your own. If you are struggling work out what you are struggling with and ask for help. Use your family support network to work through problems you might be hiding from.
But how do you logistically have a social life?
Well there are lots of ways to have a social life even when there is only you.
First off you don’t always have to go out. It’s cheaper to stay in, granted not exactly getting out there but better than nothing. Maybe you have other single friends who could come over to you and you cook for them. Or if they have children bring them too for sleep overs. Though I would keep the groups small so that you don’t spend all night untangling children’s arguments.
There are babysitters that can look after your children so you can get out, even if it’s to gym. If you haven’t got some friends with teenagers eager to earn a few pounds then their other options like Hire A Babysitter where you look up your postcode and poof a lovely list of sitters that you know you can rely on and trust. Does require a little planning but do-able. You also must factor into your night out the cost of the babysitter. If you’re not sure the cost you can check on Do You Know How Much to Pay a Babysitter post which has lots of useful info. Tip – I live in the darkest depth of Cornwall and Hire a Babysitter found 7 near me,
Children do have sleep overs, it’s like law that they must have so many a year apparently according to my daughter when she was young. Works both ways as you get children over to you to annoy the heck out of you and entertain your children and they of course go off to friends too. Make use of those nights. Also, the nights they might go to their other parent. Don’t leave all your housework till then, get out and have a social life.
And of course, there is now the joys of social media. So, if you’re stuck turn to your friends online or make friends online. You can play games with other people, just chat or just about anything. You don’t have to feel lonely on your own and you’re not the only person in the world going through it.