Confessions of a Single Mum

Posts Tagged ‘baggage’

If you look up how to find a man on the internet, you will get a load of advice telling you to steer clear of the men who are distant, angry, have baggage, who can’t love, who use women, and the commitment phobic. They tell you that you don’t want any of those. The problem with this is that its presuming men are either good or bad. That a man can only be one or the other. But what is bad for one person might actually be good to another. Any person in a bad relationship is likely to behave badly. So I reckon it should be instead of don’t look for a good man, it should be look for a man who is good for you.

Now I’m not saying that men are all saints. There are still bad characters out there. The liars, cheats, criminals, sadists and thieves of the world should be steered clear of.

Seeking perfection is an impossible task and should only be done by those who are perfect themselves. I hate to shock you but we women are not perfect. We’ve done our share of dumping. We’ve all been accused of being cruel, bossy, cold, and bored and many more. These things happen when we pair up wrongly, with those we are not compatible with.

Most when on their search for a new partner stipulate no baggage. Well I hate to break it to you but everyone has baggage. Be it from past problems with family, friends or ex partners. If someone claims they are unscathed then they are living in cuckoo land. The real question is not if they have baggage but how they handle their baggage.

If someone is burdened by their baggage then this doesn’t bode well.

If they are obsessed and all they do is talk about how cruel and evil someone once was to them, this too doesn’t bode well.

If they are obsessed about an attractive unobtainable ex partner then this too isn’t a good sign.

These sorts of people are not carrying their baggage, they plainly flat on their back with the baggage firmly on top of them. They are still trapped in their past.

Then there are those who can’t even open their baggage. They never talk about it and deny it’s even there. They are stuck in denial and probably festering sore spots, violent emotions of hurt and rage from disasters in their past.

At some point in your new relationship, your baggage will get talked about. How they handle your baggage is also relevant. If they listen and understand then brilliant but if they show signs of not being able to handle your baggage then you should proceed with caution.

Remember its not if they have baggage but how they handle their baggage.