If your self confidence took a knock when your relationship ended or wasn’t particularly top notch before it can take awhile to get it back on an even keel. Here are eight stages that you can take on gradually, will stop the rot and provide a more balanced picture and help your recover.
Â Stop putting yourself down– have a think about how you talk about yourself. Do you arrive somewhere and then dismiss your self by saying ‘only me’? Or do you refer to yourself as being not particularly clever by saying ‘I’m not very good at this’ when someone comments on something you have done? These negative thoughts and actually saying them have a gradual effect and will eat away at your confidence even more. Get rid of them from your vocabulary.
Â Don’t compare yourself – there are always the mums at the school gates who look immaculate, have perfectly behaved kids and look like they have the full eight hours sleep. Or the people you pass in the supermarket that just oozes contentment and confidence. Or the sickingly loved up couple at the next table. But you don’t really know what’s going on in their heads or their lives. They might be very good at covering up the less than perfect bits or on there very best behaviour and secretly envy you. Ultimately comparing yourself with others is pointless. Concentrate on your own journey.
Â Reframe your thoughts – instead of negative talk change it to positive talk. Stop the ‘I can’t’ or ‘I won’t’ and use ‘I choose to’ instead.
Â Picture what you want instead of what you don’t want – I bet you can list a hundred things you don’t want. You don’t want to be lonely; you don’t want to grow old on my own etc etc. But if you are asked what you do want I bet you’re a bit hazier on what you’re am aiming for.
Â Set small and realistic goals – given a huge challenge or change then most of us will retreat, close up and think of ourselves as failures. But if you make these things smaller and more realistic then it’s easier achieved and you feel more successful as you achieve them.
Â Be patient – nothing of any value is achieved overnight. If it is then it’s false.
Â Don’t give up – life will always throw obstacles in your way. The difference between those who make it and the ones that fall by the wayside is that the ones who make it look for a way around the problem or just try again.
Â Accept yourself as you are – confidence doesn’t mean perfect. So accepting your self just as your are complete with the less desirable bits.