Ask me how I felt about being adopted 20 years ago and I would answer the same as I do today. It has made me who I am.
That’s not to say that I haven’t had a bit of a wobble and a rollercoaster in between. But I do believe that it has given me some useful traits. I don’t judge, I am unselfish and generally, see good in everything and everyone.
The wobbliest time was when I had my own children. Each time I held my precious newborn babies I couldn’t help but wonder how my birth mother had ever given me away. With my hormones all a kilter and my self-confidence down around my ankles, I imagined all sorts. Was my birth mum really so heartless to be able to have given me up for adoption? Or was I really just a throwaway commodity that could be discarded when not needed (remember I was a new mum with a lot of hormones). Did she really think it through enough, I know she would have had roughly 7 or 8 months to think about it but was it enough time to change lives forever. These and many other thoughts churned around my head for a long time.
I really don’t know what the turning point was in my thinking but my thoughts and questions in my head did slowly change.
To be faced with that sort of decision is hard to comprehend. 40 years ago adoption wasn’t that widely talked about. Adoption was still talked about in whispers. It wouldn’t have been a light-hearted decision and one, she no doubt, made with a lot of thought.
I don’t wish things had been different nor do I wish I could turn back the clock. I think being brought up the way I have given me the right tools and maturity to see it from all sides.
You can never have any control over what people think, the life they choose or decisions they make. Half the battle is understanding just that.