Back in the summer I cleared out the garage. It had only taken 2 years of asking the ex for the use of his van (he had offered to help) for it to actually happen. In my reckless moment, high on the excitement of getting rid of ‘stuff’, I was very bold and threw away the artificial Christmas tree. Each year I had promised myself and the kids we would have a new one. Each year we have decorated the (supposedly) 5 foot tree and done our best with missing branches. It was only a few weeks ago I remembered I had done this dead and would actually need to buy a new tree for this year. You would think this would be a simple task but it appears not.
Off to the local stores I went. For me there has to be two requirements for a Christmas tree. It has to be taller than me and as I am 5 Foot and a fag paper that isn’t that too hard a job, the second it has to be bushy. I blame my mother for my fussiness as the Christmas tree of my childhood was one of those 3 foot tinsel things that you could still see through after throwing a tonne of garish tinsel and baubles at. Several shops on I found the perfect tree. Its 6 foot splendour of full bushy branches was going to be mine. Fast forward a few weeks of saving and last week I went back to purchase the tree. I marched in heading straight for the trees. I searched high and low in their ‘Winter Wonderland’ but couldn’t find my tree. I asked a sales lady where the £50 tree was I saw a few weeks earlier, she pointed to a separate tree on its own. Yes that’s the one, where is it I asked her, I meant where the box was so I could buy it and presumed the sales lady was equipped with crystal ball. Its there she repeated and pointed again. I looked at her a bit quizzing. Was she daft or was it me. I mimed out a box shape and again she pointed at the tree on its own. She finally led me to the tree and pointed behind the tree to the boxes stacked up. You see it was so bushy and tall (tick, tick) that I couldn’t see the boxes. You would think alarm bells at its height and girth would flash now but no they didn’t. I would have liked to have said that I bought the tree and all was well. But it appears that trees are heavy then you give them credit.
The box was too heavy to carry so I used a trolley, one of those see-saw things that the kids use to love to bounce on. Putting the tree on the trolley pushed the trolley into the tinsel display sending tinsel flying. Aware that I was being watched by the queue at the till I realised I had to make the heave from floor to trolley count. With as much energy as I could muster I picked the box up and flung it on the trolley. Trolley and tree shot down the aisle taking out the decoration display. From there to the till and then to my car I managed to knock over another two displays till finally arriving safely home with my prized tree.
Of course the most important thing on my kid’s minds was where the tree would go. We plan this out every year and the previous descendent always fitted nicely in the corner. Not this year. It all the kafuffle of knocking displays over I didn’t notice that the tree wasn’t actually 6 foot tall but 7 foot 6 inches. (Really must start wearing my glasses more) and of course as a tree gets taller it gets wider. The whole of the lounge, which is a lounge/dinner/office has been moved around to accommodate the 44 inch diameter of the new tree.
Before you ask, no the tree isn’t up yet but I am just trying to be prepared.
So I have learnt that asking the ex to do something still takes 2 years to complete the task, that me and trolleys don’t mix and for someone who has worked with measurements all her life ( curtain maker then in the building trade) I am crap at it. Photos of decorated beautiful HUGE tree will no doubt follow.