Finding Myself Again After Years of Being “Mum”
For years, my identity was wrapped up in one word: Mum.
And honestly? I wore it proudly. I was the packed-lunch-making, late-night-worrying, dance-recital-watching, sick-bucket-holding, full-time mother unit. I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. But now that my kids are grown and flown, I’ve been left staring at the mirror asking… “Okay, but who am I now?”
Finding myself again hasn’t been one big dramatic makeover. It’s been small, quiet, sometimes awkward steps back toward me. Here’s how that’s looked so far.
Step 1: Getting Comfortable with the Quiet
When the house first went quiet, I didn’t know what to do with the silence. I turned the radio on just to fill it. I checked my phone more often than I’d like to admit. I felt the need to do something—even if there wasn’t anything to do.
But slowly, I let the quiet in. I stopped filling every moment. And that’s when I started hearing myself again—not just the mum voice that says, “Where are your shoes?” but the creative one that says, “Let’s draw something today.”
Step 2: Doing Something Just for Me
I started drawing again. Nothing fancy, nothing anyone asked for. Just sketching. I picked up journaling, played around with digital design, and slowly turned those experiments into my work. Now, I run Etsy shops, work from my garden office, and drink my tea hot. Not bad, right?
The best part? No one told me to do any of it. No deadlines, no guilt, no approval needed. Just me. And that felt like rediscovering an old friend.
Step 3: Redefining “Productive”
For so long, my worth felt tied to how much I could get done. Clean the house, sort the bills, cook the food, referee the arguments. If I wasn’t exhausted, I must not be trying hard enough—right?
Wrong.
Now I know: rest is productive. Creativity is productive. Sitting in the garden doing nothing but existing? Also productive (and highly recommended). I’ve stopped measuring my days in checkboxes and started measuring them in peace, joy, and whether I remembered to feed the cat.
Step 4: Accepting That I’m Allowed to Change
I used to think I had to be the same person I was in my 30s. That I had to want the same things, dress the same, think the same. But we don’t expect our kids to stay the same as they grow—so why do we expect it of ourselves?
Turns out, I like soft mornings, digital art, and saying no to things that drain me. I like working at my pace. I like the version of me who no longer needs to “prove” anything. And honestly? She’s my favourite so far.
Final Thoughts
Finding yourself again isn’t a one-time project—it’s a process. And it doesn’t mean you’re lost. It just means you’ve spent a long time giving to others, and now it’s time to give some of that care back to yourself.
So if you’re standing in a quiet kitchen wondering what’s next, I’m right there with you. And trust me: what’s next can be something beautiful.
? Try this:
Start with 10 minutes a day doing something just for you—drawing, walking, journaling, singing to your plants. You’ll be amazed what shows up when you give yourself space.