You feel your marriage has hit an all-time low but not sure if you want a divorce?
Often after a divorce, people will look back and say they wished they had tried harder. Divorce isn’t an easy option and you should be really sure as possible before going down this route. It can be costly not just in money terms but emotionally too. If possible try couples counseling. Talking to a third impartial party can help and then after counseling you decide you do want a divorce then at least you know you have tried everything possible to save your marriage.
If I sought legal advice would my husband find out?
Just because you have talked to a solicitor it doesn’t mean you have started a divorce. You can find out from your solicitor your rights and if your marriage gets back on track then at least you haven’t lost anything. Your meeting will be treated in confidence so unless you tell your husband then no he wouldn’t find out.
Would a trial separation work?
Everyone is different. What works for some, doesn’t work for others. The time apart may be what you need or it may confirm to you that a divorce is what you want.
Friends and family are telling me to leave him.
As well-meaning as friends and family are at giving advice don’t let them railroad you into a decision. They are not in your marriage and are making judgments from outside and without all the facts. It’s a very personal decision that only you can make.
Though we are splitting up, neither of us want to move out during the divorce.
Financial constraints may mean you can’t move out and neither of you has to. But emotionally it might be better to live separately. Even if you are the one initiating the divorce, you don’t have to be the one who has to leave. It’s probably best and more stable for the children for them to stay in their home if possible. Think before you do anything and seek professional advice.
If I leave would I lose any rights I have to my house?
No. If the house is in both names or solely in your name then legally you don’t lose any rights at all. It is though in practice easier to keep control of the legal process if you are still in the house. Talk to your lawyer before you act.
I think my husband is going to react badly when I tell him I’m leaving him.
If you think he may react badly then consider having a mutual friend or family member with you when you tell him, they might be able to calm him down and are there for your safety too.
What do I tell everyone?
You tell them as little or as much as you want. There is no need to be ashamed and might even be a relief to stop pretending everything is fine. You’re not the first nor will you be the last person to go through a divorce so you will probablyÂ find a lot of support and sympathy.