When I was a lass, as the saying goes, dating was an odd affair. You spotted a lad you fancied, you smiled a bit, twirled your hair then got your mate to ask him out. He, of course, said no as you did rather look like a crazed stalker peering around the school wall at him. You would shrug your shoulders and find your next victim. And so the endless circle continued till you declared all boys horrible and gave up on the dating lark. Not that it was hardly dating more like crazed stalking.
In your twenties, you decide to have another bash. More crazed starring but this time over a very warm and nursed all night taboo and lemonade. Yours, not his. He is of course on manly pints. Having the mix of alcohol into to whole thing and odds of said lad saying yes to a date are slightly raised. Nearer the end of the evening being more so. First date safely in the bag. Get in that girl.
Now, this is normally the end of the dating story but for some special little souls, like me, get to play the dating game over and over. I do realize that my chosen strategy for dating over the years was rather flawed but when you have parents who met one day, engaged and then stayed married all their lives you don’t get dating advice on tap. We didn’t have the internet so we didn’t get everyone’s and anyone’s advice down our throats. You just sort of muddled along.
Dating in my thirties was more fun as the internet had been born. You got to sit in your pajamas and read dating profiles that were dodgy as anything. The likes of life gurus hadn’t really caught on so again we muddled through. We scoured dating sites and struck up conversations with complete strangers – oh how modern we thought we were.
As a lass, there’s that saying again, our parents drilled into us not to talk to strangers. They were scary creatures that might do us harm. Now in our thirties, our as in me and the girls who were all on the dating site- think Witches of Eastwick type thing, we’re trying to find the scary creatures hoping for some harm. Luckily for me and the girls, I had a lodger who acted like a big brother to us all. We were able to get the male perspective as we scrutinized the latest dating catastrophe.
Again in my forties, it was time to return to the dating scene, again. This time online dating has come on leaps and bounds. There are more legit and trusted sites like We Love Dates and we are more up on the things you should and shouldn’t do. We have learned how to sniff out a time waster – mentions the s work in the first sentence. Or how to spot a player – still on multi-dating sites when his girlfriend on FB thinks they are exclusive.
Dating online when you have silver sparkles in your hair is easier. You have reached the age where don’t take hassle anymore. If it becomes more appealing to have an early night with a cup of tea than listen for a hundredth time how they did some sporting feat or how they are the worlds best cook again, we are more likely to just say no. We don’t mess around with excuses. We don’t faff with boosting their ego. We just say no.
So with lots of experience notched up with the dating online what advice can I pass on?
Most importantly don’t give out personal info like your address or where you work even if you have been talking forever and they seem really nice. No not all people on online dating are ax murders but if your chatting away to them they will start to learn your pattern. Like when you are out of the house. When your house is just sitting there waiting to be burgled.
If you do meet anyone, keep the first meeting short and sweet. Not just to keep them keen and begging for more, does that even work? Don’t put pressure on yourself or them to long date as you might not even get on and then your stuck with them.
Be realistic about the person your about to meet. Yes, you probably have seen hundreds of photos of them and been told lots of little details but we all play up our positives and forget our negatives when we are trying to impress someone. I am not saying that if they are slightly different to what they portrayed that they are no good. If on the other hand they are 20 years older and a white line on their wedding finger than it might be a good time to get out of there sharpish.
Be in it for what you want out of it. Be honest with yourself about what you want. If you are looking for a life partner that is fine and it is also fine to jump out of the bathroom window if they only want to get their hands on you and it’s clear they just want the s word.
Remember too that it can be very successful, life-altering in fact. I met my partner online and can happily report life is now sunnier than a sunny day, my life is full of magical puffs of sickly happy sparkles. I am one lady with silver sparkles in her hair who is giddy as a soding teenager.