Divorce is always going to be hard and even if you have a fairly amicable breakup, there are still some things that are likely to cause tensions between you and your ex. The best way to make sure that your divorce goes as smoothly as possible is to think about the big decisions that you will have to make right now before the process gets started. These are some of the biggest decisions that you need to make during a divorce.
Should You Get A Divorce?
If you have been having a lot of problems in the relationship and you are angry, you might decide that divorce is the answer. But before you set the wheels in motion, it’s important that you think about your other options. Spend some time trying to determine what the issues are and see whether marriage counselling might help. People often jump straight to divorce instead of trying to fix the problems and they regret it later in life. If you have already exhausted all of the other options and nothing is working, then you should start looking into divorce options.
Deciding The Cause Of The Divorce
If you do decide to file for divorce, you will be asked for a reason. In some countries, there are no fault divorce rules in place which means that you don’t have to give a specific reason. Unfortunately, in the UK, there is no such thing as a no fault divorce and there are only 5 accepted reasons for a divorce. They are; infidelity, unreasonable behaviour, desertion, living apart for 2 years with agreement or living apart for 5 years without agreement. The problem is, these reasons don’t cover people that find that they just fall out of love or they want different things out of life and decide to go their separate ways. In most cases, unreasonable behaviour is cited as the cause if there is no direct reason for the divorce. However, the reason that you decide to give can have an impact on things like child custody further down the line, so you need to think carefully about it.
Who Keeps The House?
This is often the biggest cause of arguments during a divorce. You need to decide who gets to keep the house and if you both think that you should have it, that’s going to be tricky. If you have children and you agree on custody, it’s best for the parent that keeps the children to keep the house as well. Otherwise, you should consider which of you is in the best financial position to buy another house. If you really can’t decide and it’s a constant source of dispute, it may be best to sell up and move on.
Child custody battles can get very nasty so it’s important that you start discussing it with your ex right away. It’s easy to get caught up in your own arguments and drag the kids into it, but that’s the worst thing that you can do. Even if you don’t want your ex to have the kids, think about what is best for them. Which parent will be able to spend the most time with them and look after them the most effectively. When making decisions about your children, it’s vital that you always focus on their happiness and wellbeing and leave your own issues as a couple out of it. The whole process will be so much easier if you can make custody decisions without the need for a lengthy court battle.
Dividing Up Your Belongings
When people start dividing up their belongings, that’s when the pettiness often starts. Hurt feelings are played out in arguments about the smallest and most inconsequential items and things start to get nasty. It’s best to start by writing a list of the things that are most important to you and then you can compare lists and see where there is crossover. If there are small items that you don’t care too much about, don’t try to hold on to them and create arguments for no reason.
How To Tell The Children
This is the most important decision that you need to make and if you don’t handle this conversation in the right way, it can have a big impact on them. Knowing how much to tell them and how much to hold back can be tough. Telling them all of the details can be damaging but at the same time, not explaining the situation properly can be just as bad.
If you can make all of these decisions outside of the courts, the whole divorce process will be a lot easier for everybody.