A Better Divorce |

Divorce happens. It’s not nice or fun and you most probably didn’t go into your marriage planning a divorce at the end. We all hope for the fairytale ending but sometimes they just don’t happen no matter how much you try. But there are a few things you can do to help your children in the divorce. Remember your the adult and your children don’t want their parents divorcing but how they handle it does come down to you and your ex-partner.

Avoid being hostile in front of children.

Yes, probably the last thing you want is to be nice about a person who may have done you wrong or may have been the course of the divorce. or you just don’t like them full stop. But have you noticed that when you think back to when you were really happy, did you notice your children were too? Children pick up very easily and very subtly your moods. So if you are being hostile towards their other parent they are going to pick up on it and you’ll be scratching your head wondering why their behavior has changed for the worse.

Present a united front.

I can’t stress this one enough. There were days I could not stand my ex and he felt the same about me but it’s not the children’s fault or their problem. It was probably the only thing we ever agreed on but we were united on the parenting front. We made sure we communicated and the children saw this so they knew they couldn’t play us off to each other. School events and some family events we were there together. Yes sometimes our new partners were there too which could be a little confusing but we all smiled and supported the children.

Get advice from your family lawyer

A divorce can be one of the most stressful and important things you do in your lifetime. The things you agree or downright refuse to do in the moments when your emotions are running the highest could have knock-on effects for a lot of people for a lot of years. Don’t wing it, you really owe it to your children and divorce to do it properly. Whilst its kind to have advice from your family and friends they are not always independent in their thinking. Seek out a family lawyer and get advice for your situation as all situations are unique.

Spending time with both parents.

And lastly, the most important thing, don’t use your children as weapons. They are the innocent ones in all this and unless there are real physical or mental issues that dictate differently they do need to spend time with both parents. You not liking their new partner, you cant be bothered to drive them over to their other parents really aren’t reasons to withhold access to the other parent. Equally the status of maintenance payments doesn’t automatically mean other parent can or can’t see the children unless you are legally advised differently.